Song to the Figure Two

From vol. ii. of the Roxburgh Ballads, in the British Museum.

A merry new song wherein you may view
The drinking healths of a joviall crew,
To t’ happie return of the figure of TWO.

The figure of Two is a palpable allusion to Charles II.  Tune, “Ragged, and torn, and true.”

I have been a traveller long,
   And seen the conditions of all;
I see how each other they wrong,
   And the weakest still goes to the wall.
And here I’ll begin to relate
   The crosse condition of those
That hinder our happy fate,
   And now are turned our foes.
Here’s a health to the figure of Two,
   To the rest of the issue renown’d;
We’ll bid all our sorrows adieu,
   When the figure of Two shall be crown’d.

I crossed the ocean of late,
   And there I did meet with a crosse,
But having a pretty estate,
   I never lamented my losse:
I never lamented my harmes,
   And yet I was wondrous sad;
I found all the land up in arms,
   And I thought all the folke had bin mad.
      Here’s a health, etc.

Kind countrymen, how fell ye out?
   I left you all quiet and still;
But things are now brought so about,
   You nothing but plunder and kill;
Some doe seem seemingly holy,
   And would be reformers of men,
But wisdom doth laugh at their folly,
   And sayes they’ll be children agen,
      Here’s a health, etc.

But woe to the figure of One!
   King Solomon telleth us so;
But he shall be wronged by none
   That hath two strings to his bow.
How I love this figure of Two
   Among all the figures that be,
I’ll make it appear unto you
   If that you will listen to me.
      Here’s a health, etc.

Observe when the weather is cold
   I wear a cap on my head,
But wish, if I may be so bold,
   The figure of Two in my bed.
Two in my bed I do crave,
   And that is myself and my mate;
But pray do not think I would have
   Two large great hornes on my pate.
      Here’s a health, etc.

Since Nature hath given two hands,
   But when they are foul I might scorn them;
Yet people thus much understands,
   Two fine white gloves will adorn them.
Two feet for to bear up my body,
   No more had the knight of the sun;
But people would think me a noddy
   If two shoes I would not put on.
      Here’s a health, etc.

The figure of Two is a thing
   That we cannot well live without,
No more than without a good king,
   Though we be never so stout;
And thus we may well understand,
   If ever our troubles should cease,
Two needful things in a land
   Is a king and a justice of peace.
      Here’s a health, etc.

And now for to draw to an end,
   I wish a good happy conclusion,
The State would so much stand our friend,
   To end this unhappy confusion;
The which might be done in a trice,
   In giving of Cæsar his due;
If we were so honest and wise
   As to think of the figure of Two.
      Here’s a health, etc.

If any desire to know,
   This riddle I now will unfold,
It is a man wrapped in woe,
   Whose father is wrapped in mould:
So now to conclude my song,
   I mention him so much the rather
Because he hath suffer’d some wrong,
   And bears up the name of his father.
      Here’s a health, etc.